A Postpartum Update
The fourth trimester is officially over! I wrote quite a bit about this pregnancy so I wanted to be sure not to ignore the fourth trimester period. The fourth trimester is the first four months after giving birth — essentially, the newborn phase. There’s so much that happens with our babies and with our bodies after giving birth and I kind of hate how little it’s discussed. We talk a lot about birth and pregnancy but very little about the period of time after that. This is my small attempt to do better.
PHYSICAL RECOVERY
This section is bound to be the longest one since the postpartum months pretty much revolve around healing and recovering from birth. My physical recovery from birth was relatively easy both times. I made it a point to tell my midwife team I wanted to avoid tearing when delivering Isaac and I did the same thing when delivering Luna. With their coaching, I was able to avoid tearing. That automatically meant I had less to tend to as far as healing went.
I did choose to get an epidural both times, but this time I was in a much better position as far as pain handling went. Like I described in Luna’s birth story, I found myself in a great headspace where I was able to breathe through my intense contractions. Being in a good place when I got the epidural meant the meds were more evenly distributed between my legs. Both of my legs were fully functional a few hours after delivering (which was not the case the first time).
I did experience a lot of pelvic floor discomfort after delivery, which wasn’t surprising because I dealt with it throughout most of this pregnancy. For the first month or so it felt almost like my uterus was going to fall out when I stood up (it didn’t). And when I sat down, it felt like what I imagine sitting on a marble would be like. Needless to say, I made it a point to ask for an in-person, physical exam for my postpartum appointment. Because of the pandemic, my appointment had been set as a virtual one. I have qualms with this because women already get next to no postpartum care. One single exam is all we get after delivering a human into this earth, so I was not about to let that one appointment be a virtual one. I think we all deserve our doctors to make sure we’re healing well, even in these “unprecedented times.” All that to say, I encourage you to ask for a physical exam (if you want one, obvi) if you’ll be giving birth in the time of covid.
SLEEP
I’m so hesitant to discuss sleep because I low key believe there’s a jinx to talking about baby’s sleep! But at the risk of ruining the good run we’ve had, I’ll say that Luna has been a sleepier baby than Isaac was/is. Where Isaac was born immediately kicking and peddling his legs, Luna was content to just lay somewhere. The first few nights before my milk came in were long, but once she got her belly full, she gave us decently long stretches of sleep at night.
She does prefer to sleep on me. Notice I didn’t say us, which would include my husband. She’s pretty set on smelling her mama while she dreams. Transfers have been a bit of a struggle and naps are short if I don’t hold her, but once she finally goes down for the night, she tends to sleep through it! We do a mix of co-sleeping and putting her to sleep in her crib, which I’m sure goes against all the advice on consistency, but I do it anyway because it’s working for us.
MENTAL HEALTH
I hardly know how to tackle this section. I’m showing signs of PPA and PPD again. Some days (like really dark, gloomy weather days) tend to be harder than others. My home is in disarray and not just because we have two kids. It’s actually kind of hard to tell what’s postpartum depression and what’s pandemic depression, and if they’re playing off of each other in any way.
The best way I can describe it is this: when you’ve dealt with depression and anxiety for years, you get used to it being a part of your life. So when people ask how you’re doing, it’s easy to think “well, it didn’t take all of my energy and effort just to make it through the day, so I must be good!” I’m not sure this is making any sense in writing, but basically, when you’re so used to living in a fog, the days where the fog clears just a little bit feel like really excellent days.
I’ve hesitated (and still hesitate) to share more about my mental health because thus far I haven’t gotten professional help. I don’t want to be someone spouting off about anxiety and depression without also being someone who is actively working on managing those things with a qualified professional. Talking to someone is on my list of things to do and I’m hoping that this pandemic comes to an end sooner than later so I can start going to therapy.
On the positive side, I can tell that my anxiety is nowhere near as bad as it was with Isaac. The intrusive thoughts and scary visions are wayyyyyyy less frequent and less intense. I’m so so thankful for that. We’ve made it a point to get out for a long walk at least once a week and that’s also been good for me. I thrive being outside, looking at the trees and feeling the breeze hit my face. All in all, I’m trying to remember to take this season slowly and not beat myself up too much for not hitting all of my achievement goals. I’m trying to remember that last year was hard and this year continues to be hard. And I’m trying to incorporate more movement and me time now that Luna’s sleep is starting to fall into a real rhythm.
TRANSITIONING TO TWO KIDS
The transition to two kids has been difficult in some ways and easy in others. For one, having my husband working from home this last year has been a really big help. I think having him around a lot more has curbed a lot of the anxieties I had about transitioning to two kids. I have someone to bounce ideas/worries off of, someone to feed Isaac when I need to nurse Luna, someone to keep an eye on the kids while I take a shower. All of these things have contributed to a less anxious Alex. The struggle — especially in the beginning — is trying to balance how much attention each kiddo is getting. We make it a point to play one on one with Isaac when Luna is napping and tag team running around with him when we go to the park. He’s been so sweet with her and genuinely wants to play with her. Sometimes he’s too rough, sometimes he gets jealous of all the fawning over the new baby. But more often than not, he just wants to play with her. And she wants to play with him!
I’m writing this a week before Luna turns six months old, so there’s probably more to share than just how the fourth trimester went. I’m definitely turning into the cliche of not having as much structure with my second as with my first. I realized just last week that I had no idea how many naps Luna was taking during the day and that we hadn’t put any real effort into getting her on a nap schedule. Thankfully, that sweet girl is low maintenance and mostly lets me sleep at night. Almost six months into this and I finally outlined a daily rhythm that I hope will work (until she drops to two naps lol).
